To my dearest Mrs. Cheok,

I cannot describe in words my happiness that you had gotten your wings from Jesus and has been assigned angel duties last week. However, at the same time, no words can fully express my sorrow and pain that you are no longer by my side.

I still remember the first time I met you in school, when I got lost along the school corridor, trying to find my way to the Anklung class. That was my first step to pursue my passion for music and drama and now when I think back, it seems that God has assigned you to be an angel in my life.

When young, I did not understand or knew what I could achieve. My life was more or less a planned route until I decided I did not want to continue to be in the same secondary school as my primary school mates; and Anklung was my foundation step towards music and drama, a stage so crucial that shapes me today and the dreams I am pursuing.

I still remembered the times you comforted me and encouraged me, first when my grandpa passed away and subsequently during the times I made mistakes in my Anklung and also academic performances. When I was left behind by my own peers in class, you brought me to help you out in the school’s staff office. You gave me a sense of belonging, and I felt I was not alone.

You taught me many things and gave me chances that other students were envious of. You made me a main character in the school play and the school’s musical. You raised me up to allow me to be the best that I can be.

Throughout my darkest times, you held my hand and guided me through. Then, you became my very first boss. You said to always leave your unfinished work at work and never bring them home to do, for work is neverending. I always kept that in mind till this day.

You made me aware of the talents I had and the achievements I can strive for and encouraged me to go for them; and I am grateful that you were there every step of the way.

You made sure I am always fine and you fed me well. All the interesting food we went and ate together and the many tubs of Guilin jelly and curry chicken; I’ll always keep those special memories in my heart.

You were no longer my teacher, my mentor; you became my family. I had acknowledged you as my very special aunt.

When I first heard that you were ill, I had to admit I was afraid.
I felt I had to do something to get you cured. Then, I wished I was a doctor or someone who could have the knowledge to take your illness away and made you well again. I wanted selfishly to keep you by my side forever.

Alas, when I realised I could not do anything for you, I knew I had to start preparing for your departure.

I know it’s cruel to discuss about death when the person was still alive, but I knew I needed time to slowly let you go, I was not ready to say goodbye to you. I tried to keep up with my life and with you, and often a watsapp message or phone call, just to make sure you are still well and happy. Every time we meet and every call assured me that you are still with me; although so far, but still near.

However, I am unsure if you knew that I did not have the courage to say goodbye to you; since you decided to chose a day when I am so faraway from you to leave for heaven .

Why did you not call me or ask for me before I left for my work trip to Taiwan?
Did you not want me to be sad?
Sadly, I’ll never know the answer.

I’m not sorry that I did not say my final goodbye to you on your funeral. I’m sorry for not having the courage to see you one last time. I still am not ready to let you go and I don’t want to say goodbye to you.

I know you will tell me that “my 样样行 can do it because you are my 样样行!” but for this time, I have to say, I can’t do it. 跟你說永別， 我做不到！我也不想做到！老師請原諒我的執著吧！

I will miss you calling me 样样行, I really do. Only you have the right to call me that.

You have no idea how much you have affected me, Mrs Cheok.You have no idea….

I wished I had hugged you again, I am so afraid I will slowly forget your warmth.
I wished I had recorded all your voice calls, I am so afraid that I will forget your voice.
I wished I had taken a photo with you, I am so afraid that I will forget how you looked like.

Nevertheless, I know you are now without pain, in the arms of your beloved Lord.
So as you closed your eyes to this world forever, sleep well, my beloved teacher, aunt, mentor.
I will see you in my dreams at night and keep you in my heart forever.

Goodnight, Mrs Cheok.

Lots of love from your beloved 样样行,
Priscilla.